Why do we stay in relationships that don’t make us happy?

Should I stay or should I leave?

Whether  it’s a romantic relationship or a work relationship, people often stay put long after they know it’s time to leave and move on.  What makes us do that?  Why do we put up with a situation which makes us unhappy or stressed?  There are many different reasons but the two most common are lack of confidence and fear of uncertainty.

Lack of confidence can feel like a heavy anchor that keeps us rooted to the same spot; we want to make a change but we doubt our ability to find anything better, be it a new relationship or a new job. When we doubt ourselves we remember only our failures, our disappointments, our weaknesses and when we then look to the future we imagine only more of these and so unconsciously we create a self-fulfilling prophecy which just reinforces our negative beliefs about ourselves.   We therefore avoid any future pain by staying put where we are and convincing ourselves that we can never expect anything better.

Fear of uncertainty can paralyse us from making a change and taking a chance.  Our fear is linked to  our low self-confidence which robs us of the willingness to take even a first step towards change if there is no guarantee of success.   We see others taking a chance and surviving, even thriving, but we convince ourselves that if we took a chance, we’d end up in an even worse place  … so we do nothing and allow ourselves to continue to feel unhappy.

However, change does not need to be huge, even a small step can make a difference.  Success is often the result of many small changes and even some set-backs along the way; but those set-backs can give us insight into ourselves, allowing us to consider that we might possibly need to change our perspective or make a shift in our actions.

People who are happy are those who know what they need to be happy and won’t settle for relationships that cause them stress and pain.  They know they deserve to be happy and are willing to  take a chance, have  a go  and accept set-backs in the realisation that there are no guarantees for anybody.

  Yvonne Morgan  07899625156

Clinical Solution-Focused Hypnotherapist                                                                              www.yvonne-morgan.co.uk